angstgoddess003 (angstgoddess003) wrote,

Wide Awake: Chapter 41. GSB Smuttake

Story Title: Wide Awake
Chapter: 41 (Alternate Ending)
Genre: Twilight - Angst/Hurt/Comfort
Rating: MA/NC-17
Details: AH, AU, OOC
Summary: "Edward and Bella have dark pasts that leave them severely emotionally scarred, with nightmares that force them to stay awake. They meet and begin to form a bond during the night hours. AH, Highly OOC, Rated M for dark themes. No rape, no cutting. BxE"
Post Word Count: 4,065

This began as a birthday gift for Gail/Angel/Edwardzukorocks. Ironically, it’s a smuttake/alternate ending to “Ginger Snappy Birthdays”. It’s a little belated (almost a week), as I was having the [insert name for the epic fail here], but I don’t think she’ll really give a shit either way, because she is so ridiculously cool like that.

Cue cheesy birthday message!

Dearest Gail,
You are awesome, and always stick by my side – even when it causes you massive heaps of bullshit to do so, and for that, you are an utterly awesome friend and fellow fandom-er. You make my plots better developed with your commentary, and somehow always manage to make me laugh, even when it feels like it isn’t possible. You’d always sent me the good pictures of Rob, and then when I’d shyly expressed my freakish preference for Jackson, you then began sending me his too, because you are considerate like that.
You let me vent to you about various fails, and never tell me to shut the fuck up – even though you probably really want to sometimes. I don’t know how you manage it. Plus, you don’t hold it against me when I come to you with idiotic questions in reference to pup-culture, like tomstu and trendy footwear brands. I’ll never see Converse or Rob pictures the same again. Lastly, you don’t get annoyed when I stay up all night sending you chats while you sleep that are so fucking nonsensical, you can’t help but laugh and nervously question my mental stability.
So, here you are bb. Happy Belated Ginger Snappy Birthdays. Enjoy the darkward, and know that you are loved so hard, that someone was willing to brave the deep and dark waters of post-[insert name for the epic fail here] to get you your smuttake. The hate will be well worth it. <3

Disclaimer: There is sexually explicit content herein. Please do not continue if you are below the legal age to do so as dictated by my journal preferences and permissions. Sure. I'm expecting to see this smuttake wildly flamed and bashed in various locales. Not saying it will be, but I'm just saying... I'm expecting it. So... to the haters and flamers and trolls... If you don't want to read, or you don't like, there's this really nifty "X" thing in the top right hand corner of your browser. You click it, and it just fucking... poofs. No more. Like majick. To dwell for the sake of flamage alone is not only unnecessary, but it completely ruins the fandom. No one is forcing you to read this but YOU. If you have plans on flaming or bashing this or... ripping it apart line by line for the sole sake of mocking my sexual knowledge... I implore you with a staggering measure of weary exasperation, use your energy praising the fics you DO enjoy reading and make some author happy with your comments. Do something positive with your time. Wasting it to insult me is just ridiculous. We all have better shit to do, right? RIGHT?!

A/N: I wrote this as an alternate ending to the chapter for no better reason than because, I wanted to. That's it. I had originally planned for this to occur at the ending of Chapter 41. Ginger Snappy Birthdays (Dominantward behind the Math building), but as time went on, it just didn’t fit, and I was trying to build the sexual tension for 43. Which means… they had to hold out. Of course… that’s no fucking fun, is it? NO. This is a little rough, because I never got it beta’ed, but I do hope you can excuse any errors that I may have missed. Don’t take it as any kind of srs bsns. No srs bsns here. Srsly. Is Flangst. Er… Smuflangst? Whatever.

“Don’t go.” She panted as she released my neck, her hands coming to weave and fist into my hair at my crown, and suddenly she was controlling me. A defiant set in her jaw as I allowed her to pull my head back, casting my face up to the gray sky.

I hissed and clenched my eyes shut against the sting of it. The pain penetrated the numbness and made a bright jolt shoot through my head and travel to the tips of my ears. I moaned and shifted against her while she pulled harder. So strongly her hands trembled.

But she was still asking and being selfish by taking advantage of my complete obedience to her every whim. She didn’t want me to move out. She wanted me to stay and take all of this bullshit so that… I didn’t even know what she wanted. I couldn’t fathom how it would benefit her anymore.

But I agreed with a sharp nod and a hiss, making my scalp burn more with the resistance. Obedient to her every whim yet again.

She seemed relieved, releasing my hair and once again retreating to her meek position against the wall.

And now it was my turn.

I panted and returned my palms to the wall with a loud clap, fascinated at how she bit her lip and leaned her head back with a small writhe against me.

I had no right to ask – order – her not to do it. It was selfish and cruel to even think about it, and the last twenty minutes probably proved what everyone thought about me. But she got hers, and we were tit for tat, so why the fuck shouldn’t I?

“No fucking therapy.” I growled inches from her lips, seeing the same vision that made me furious at the thought of her loving someone else. Someone better.

Much to my surprise, she agreed without hesitation. Nodding compliantly in resignation and remaining entirely submissive to me as I trapped her against the wall.

I took her lips again with fervor, plunging my tongue into her mouth and grinding my erection into her hips without even thinking about. She whimpered and pressed back into me, her hands clinging to my sides and pulling me closer as our tongues pressed together.

All of the frustration seemed to swell as we panted and began rubbing our crotches against each other, the friction heightening our adrenaline as we kind of just… humped each other shamelessly against the brick wall.

Her hoodie was gone, abandoned on the damp grass somewhere so I took the opportunity to palm her breast between us, and she moaned into my mouth. The domination suddenly turned to lust and desperation and before I could even realize it was probably a bad idea, my hands were beneath her shirt – forcing them under her bra, and rubbing her breasts as she began whimpering once more.

I tore my lips away from hers as our hips continued creating the delicious friction, her head falling back to the wall. She looked up at the sky, panting and pulling my hips closer as I moved against her, and she looked almost as desperate as I felt.

I probably wasn’t thinking straight given my exhaustion and reaction to the whole therapy deal. Not to mention the fact that now, I had to stay in Carlisle’s fucking house, and live under his rules. And then I had to go and treat my girl like she was some goddamn possession, and not the person I loved more than anything in the world. It was turning out to be a shitty day. Week. Month. Whatever.

I wasn’t happy.

But as our hips rubbed against each other and our moans filled the small space beside the loud air conditioners, I decided… I could make her happy. I could make her feel good. It was probably a shitty consolation for everything, but at the exact moment as she whimpered and wordlessly begged for more, I figured she would gladly accept it.

I backed away minutely, making her growl in frustration as her hands fought to pull me back. But my eyes began scanning the area over my shoulder while my dick twitched in anticipation. When I was confident enough that we could continue safely, I turned back to her hooded gaze and unbuttoned her jeans.

My girl’s eyes grew wide and began darting around the area, but she didn’t stop me from sliding my hand inside, under her jeans and panties. Of course, there were no objections as my fingers found her folds, already slick and waiting for me. I groaned as I felt her arousal, and her grip on my shirt tightened.

She leaned her head back against the brick wall once again, lips slightly parted as she panted and writhed against my fingers with a strangled moan. I buried my face into her neck and began licking and kissing as I stroked her and worked to bring her pleasure.

Her gasps were loud in my ear, transforming into wordless whimpers as her fingers tangled in my hair, pushing my face farther into her neck. The way she was moving her hips against me in desperation was making me harder, and I began to wonder if she would touch me as I took her earlobe between my teeth and nibbled gently.

I was showing her mine, right? Sharing is caring.

But I couldn’t ask, because it wasn’t supposed to be about me. So I focused my attention on what my fingers were doing and searched for her entrance. Because my girl really liked that shit last time.

She liked it this time too, and she pushed me to go deeper and faster while panting into my ear. Involuntarily, I began moving my hips with hers, because I couldn’t stop the need to find more friction. Unfortunately, it wasn’t really satisfying, and I suddenly found my idle hand going to my crotch and palming my dick through my jeans.

I mean, surely, she couldn’t object to me working one out for myself, right? I really fucking hoped not as I hastily unbuttoned them and shoved my hand inside.

I’m not even sure she noticed as I grabbed my erection and began stroking it in unison with my other hand, which was working frenziedly beneath her jeans. Her head was still thrown back, eyes screwed tightly closed as her ragged breathing made her chest heave.

I really wished I could have torn off that fucking shirt she was wearing. I wanted to be closer–skin to skin. But this was as good as it would get.

My hooded gaze traveled her body as both of my hands worked relentlessly and I focused on the point where my wrist disappeared into her white panties. The sight of it made me groan and pump my hand as I fought to do the dual motions without faltering. Which really didn’t work at all.

Goddamned non-ambidextrous bullshit. I thought in annoyance. After fighting to do both actions simultaneously, I eventually gave up and removed my hand from my jeans to focus entirely on her. Because it just wasn’t worth a fuck to jack off half-assed. I decided to wait until after I made her cum, and as her moans grew louder and I tried to silence them by plunging my tongue into her mouth once again, I could tell she was close.

Her hands began clawing at my back to bring me closer, and her hips were rocking feverishly to get the added friction required. My fingers buried deep inside of her and I let my thumb work what it could within the constraints of her jeans.

Really, Bella. A skirt would have made this shit so much easier.

I could tell when she was on the edge because her eyes abruptly opened, focusing on nothing in particular as her hips bucked into my hand and her legs began trembling. With a soft cry, she bit her lip and tightened around my fingers.

There was nothing sexier on this entire fucking planet than watching my girl cum for me.

Her shoulders quivered against the wall and her eyes kind of rolled back behind her lids a bit. I could tell she was fighting to keep her cry silent, because all that emerged from her lips was a strangled whisper of ecstasy in the form of, “Edward.” And I groaned as my name tumbled from her lips. Just... fucking kill me why don’t you?

With winded breaths, she finally lifted her head to look me in the eyes, all fucking droopy and exhausted. I removed my hand from her jeans while leaning in to give her a soft kiss on the lips. I couldn’t give her sleep, and I couldn’t be enough for Esme or Carlisle to let us be together, but… I could make my girl cum, and no other motherfucker could do that–for now.

When my lips left hers, I hastily fixed her appearance. Buttoning her jeans and straightening her shirt before I even thought about taking care of myself must have shown my consideration. Right? I was wondering if she would kiss my neck, pull my hair, maybe… nibble my skin a little, or say something really fucking dirty as my hand returned to my pants and I grabbed my dick once again.

Is this really such a good idea? My conscience abruptly nagged in concern, and I inwardly sneered. Bitch. Go away.

I stilled my actions and searched her eyes for any signs of disgust, or revulsion, or… something as I stood right in front of her with my cock in my palm. It just wasn’t worth it if it made her uncomfortable. I tried to think of how I would react if she suddenly started masturbating in front of me, but… shit. That was just making my hand move.

Thankfully, when our eyes locked, I didn’t see any signs of disgust or any of that other shit. Surprisingly, she looked a little… aroused and curious, and maybe even apologetic, for some reason I couldn’t fathom.

Seeing no objection, I began slowly stroking with my hand, allowing myself to relax as much as possible while doing this in her presence. The waist of my jeans and the lack of lubrication didn’t make it nearly as enjoyable as it could have been, but I got to stare at Bella growing aroused by observing it, and that was enough to make my fist begin pumping faster.

I braced myself against the wall beside her head with my idle hand, and let my hand move with abandon as I stared into her glazed eyes and grew comfortable enough to just really fucking… jack the hell off. She moaned while she watched me, all fucking sexy, and I let my lips rest against hers. We didn’t really kiss; I just panted and groaned against her mouth.

My ragged gasps quickly transformed into desperate grunts as I pumped my fist wildly around my dick. My eyes weren’t pleading or anything; I was just trying to remember what it felt like to be inside of her as my gaze likely turned abruptly intense.

So when she suddenly dropped to her knees, sliding her back down the rough brick to the grass, and grabbed my wrist to halt my movements, I was a little fucking stunned. I wasn’t asking, wanting, or even expecting her to do anything in return.

My girl looked up at me with lust filled eyes and darted her tongue out to lick her lips really fucking deliberately. I still had her trapped against the wall, her knees between my parted legs as she held my gaze and tugged on the waist of my jeans to release my stiff cock. I wanted to stop her and say no–

Okay. Even I wasn’t buying that bullshit. I reallywanted to say, “Bella, so help me… if you put my dick in your mouth right now, I will fucking worship you for the rest of my existence.”

Luckily, I still had the inkling of rational conscience to make my face appear seriously disapproving. A little. Maybe. Probably. Whatever. I don’t know how well I preformed, but she didn’t look hesitant to wrap her hand around it, and give it one long stroke.

My breath hitched, and I kind of glanced around the space over my shoulder in a paranoid fear. If I got caught in this position, trapping Bella, a minor who I was ordered to stay away from, against a brick wall with my dick in her hand… I was definitely going to jail. And not the bullshit juvenile detention one either, but the real “scary motherfucker” jail.

I never considered myself a conceited individual or anything, but… I was fairly confident that my ass was too pretty for all that.

Bella did not share my fear on this, because while my eyes were still anxiously darting around the area, she swiftly placed her hot mouth around my dick. I hissed through my clenched teeth, and it mingled with a groan as my palms splayed across the brick in front of me for support.

She moved her lips slowly while gazing into my eyes and my chest was heaving with ragged breaths. My hands gripped at the brick wall as the push and pull of her mouth forced a whimper from my lips. The brick wall behind her head didn’t really give her much room for movement, and I began absentmindedly pondering how impolite it would be to request a change of position. Then I figured… I’m getting my dick sucked, so bitching about logistics would be a really fucking idiotic thing to do.

Unfortunately, my dick was selfish enough to desire better motion, and against my will and better judgment, my hips gently thrust into her mouth, and out again. She moaned deeply around me, and her hands went to grab my ass. I froze. I figured that fucking my girl’s mouth was a little too much depravity for me… even on this day, but her hands moved my hips back toward her in indication that… she wanted it. Of course she wants it.

“Fuck.” I sighed shakily and slouched forward, allowing my forehead to rest against the cold and rough bricks. My nagging bitch of a conscience had conveniently vanished by the time Bella’s hands guided my hips to repeat the motion again, and my hands began digging and scratching into the bricks as I replicated the action–this time without the need for her probable encouragement. Bella kept her head still against the bricks, and her lips wrapped tightly around my flesh.

I fixed my gaze on the top of her head as I moved my hips gently forward and backward, in and out of her mouth, and the sight of it provoked me further. She’d moan around my dick with every thrust, and it’d make my teeth grind together when I groaned in pleasure. I knew fucking her mouth was wrong, and I’d feel shitty about doing it later, but for now, I decided that being an anti-teenage-hormonal-motherfucker wasn’t enjoyable at all. So I kept pushing my dick into her mouth, bathing in her moans around me, and thanked all fuck that sleep deprivation and years of debatable civility had granted me the magnificent gift of temporary moral deficiency.

Yes. My dick was definitely one joyful motherfucker.

My lips parted as I panted and moved, all the while battling the instinct to grab her hair and push her in opposition to my thrusts. She kept moaning and pushing my ass further toward her, forcing my dick deeper into her throat, because I was being careful not to. I was trying to keep my groans and grunts and whimpers as quiet as possible given the threat of exposure, and my fingers kept clawing into the brick to inhibit themselves from grabbing onto her hair.

I could feel it intensifying rapidly, and I was debating whether to prolong the experience, or just surrender as I pressed my forehead into the wall and screwed my eyes tightly closed. Her moans and tongue were inciting the nearly frantic motion of my hips, and it was becoming ridiculously difficult to refrain from exploding in her mouth.

As if she knew that I was delaying my pleasure, I suddenly felt her teeth lightly scrape against my flesh, and my answering gasp was long and startled into the wall. So fucking sly. She knew the teeth would get me every goddamn time.

I whimpered, and my hands abruptly left the brick to grasp her face as I lifted my head to meet her gaze. Her big brown eyes shone up at me as I continued with gentler thrusts and caressed her cheeks with my thumbs.

“You’re going to make me cum.” I gasped, to give her an out, as my hips continued moving softly. I hated the idea of doing that into her mouth. Her hands grasped my ass tighter, as if to hold me close, and she moaned once again, letting her eyes fall closed as she sucked harder into my thrust–a clear indication that she was game.

My girl, I inwardly sighed. Always such a fucking trooper. With a trembling breath, I stilled my hips, locked my jaw tightly, and finally succumbed to the pleasure.

The tremor of my body, while I attempted to stroke her cheeks affectionately and cum at the same time, was… borderline humiliating in all honesty, but I made no effort to maintain my composure. I knew how much my girl enjoyed watching me lose my control. A breathless and sharp grunt escaped my chest as I twitched and jerked between her lips, and her face was completely void of disgust as she swallowed it down hastily. She’d probably never realize it, but Bella was the only girl who had ever allowed me to cum in her mouth. It was a fucking splendid experience, and I was gasping and shuddering as she gave me one last sweep of her tongue, and finally released me from her flushed lips.

I quickly fixed my jeans and buttoned them up as she stood, and my legs felt like gelatin while I fought to catch my breath. When all body parts were once again hidden, I suddenly remembered what my girl considered appropriate post-oral gratitude. She had just retrieved her hoodie from the ground and was slipping it over her shoulders when my hands grabbed her arms and crushed her to my chest in a firm embrace.

Her stifled and satisfied chuckle warmed my chest as I plunged my nose into her hair and tightened my arms around her. She could barely return the hug since her hoodie was only partly covering her shoulders, but she pressed her face into me, and put her arms around me as far as the constriction of the fabric would allow.

We stood for many moments as I smelled her hair contentedly and embraced her lovingly; planting the occasional kiss on the top of her head in silent thanks as she sighed into my chest. She’d certainly had it right. A hug is very appropriate post-oral gratitude.

Eventually, and rather obnoxiously, the stupid fucking school bell interrupted our after-orgasm-euphoria, and we were forced apart with mirroring expressions of annoyance. I retrieved my jacket from the grass and slipped it on, and in a moment of recollection, spotted her school bag and snatched it up before she could.

I wanted to… I really wanted to love her affectionately and tenderly. I wanted to hold her hand and carry her books like some fucking Stepford Husband. I recalled my thoughts from earlier.

I slung her bag over my shoulder along with my own, and when she met my gaze, she rolled her eyes.

“Are you serious? I’m not handicapped.” She scoffed, and the look of amusement in her eyes made my lips twitch as I shrugged and tossed her a little smirk. She grumbled something under her breath, but let me snake my arm around her waist as I led us away from the rumbling of the air conditioners. I could love my girl like this too, and even though it didn’t make up for any of that other shit, it made me feel infinitesimally worthy of her satisfied smile when she glanced up at me and raised her hood.

I did my best to ignore the menacing sensation that began burgeoning in the depths of my chest; that tickle of premonition that alludes to foreboding. I wanted to push it away, but I wanted to soak in it all the same. I wanted to shove my girl behind my body and put myself between her and every little thing that threatened to ruin us. I wanted to protect her from them, and… maybe myself a little too. But she was mine, and I wasn’t going to give in that easily.

When we emerged from the hidden path between the buildings, I could tell that neither of us really wanted to go back to that place where nothing went right, and nobody understood. We wanted to stay by the dirty brick wall and the loud metal air conditioners and let our need consume us for a little while longer.

But I still had a home to go. I still a part to play. I still had grades to keep up. And even though I fucking hated that feeling of helplessness that filled the pit of my stomach with the familiar heavy dread that festered and suffocated me, I still had obligations to all of these things.

But they weren’t going to win, because I still had my girl.

A/N: Just a little bit of humor, angst, smut driven fun.
Tags: outtake, wide awake
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